Tap tap tap tap tap.....

Why do I subject myself to this agonizing process?

Words

Words forming sentences

Sentences formed by words.

Formation of sentences through words

Translocation of punctuation

Black letters deleted, erased, scribbled out

Put in, thrown out, highlighted, and crumpled.

A long process with no clear end in sight

With a period serving as an analogy to

     what I suppose is the end of this small journey I call a piece of writing.

 

But my writing takes me places—and so I continue

It takes me to

     Places in this world and places in another dimension

     Places inside myself so I can fix the Broken

 

I novel to take me to a place subjected only to my own judgement.

I craft characters filled with great and terrible things

     Emeralda—the face of a revolution, fueled by visions for a brighter future

     Fastion—a brutal tyrant, the source of psychological trauma for otherwise

     gracious characters

I craft characters so I can pretend that I can react to things the way they do

     Not always logical and clear-headed and practical like how Real Life people

     ought to behave

     but epic and sacrificial and heroic and wonderful.

     Like how Emeralda escaped the detrimental influences of a parental figure to        live a more peaceful life

     Like how she rode into battle, risking everything to save the life of someone

     dear to her heart

I write the highs and lows in plots

So I can envision myself living a full life: the extremes, the great, the bad.

I write about joy and bliss and grief and agony

     The death of someone loved by Emeralda

     Successfully overthrowing Fastion

I write so I can feel as alive as my characters are.

 

And then I create poetry when my emotions are too great

     frustrations on how what once “served as my emotional security now feeds

     my pain”

     confusion surrounding “recontemplating the meaning of life”

     struggles with the “pitiless rules” of society

When the only way I can channel them out is through words

I let the chaos simmering inside, slowly diffuse out.

My words take me to a place where I can return to my neutral state of Functional

A place where words are free from the rigidity of grammar

Free from rules,

     not all, but most except for the ones just necessary for me to read my words

     again and understand.

 

I write to investigate questions in this world

To take me to the place of Answers

     examining why people hold certain preconceptions about country music

     explaining why two competing ice cream stores could survive economically

I put together my own questions, people’s opinions, my ideas, and tangible realizations

Drawing spider-webs of connections

To fix Confusion, and turn it into Understanding.

 

Writing takes me places

It takes me to the Known, the Unknown, the Can’t Be Known, and the Should be Known.

 

I write to manage my thoughts

Each idea, each question, comment, response, is written on the molecules of my consciousness

I reach out to grab hold of them

Make sense of them

Sometimes collect them into transparent jars where they can live for eternity

 

When the thoughts and ideas are too great

The molecules ooze from my pores

I release them out into the world to be dispersed

Diluting them or else they’d cause a cosmic explosion

     —in a place where those exist.